The New Masculinity

The world is in great peril largely at the hands of a very broken collective male psyche. This is not hyperbole, the wake up calls around us are resounding.  We live in a world of destructive power struggles, unsustainable consumption, mass injustice, poisoning of our environment at a global level, endemic isolation and loneliness, and harm to the most vulnerable be it marginalized people, the poor, the weak or creatures of the earth.  I submit this catastrophic situation exists largely as a result of men suffering huge losses to their wholeness and integrity.   This broken state of men is presented as normal, as the way a man is, as what masculinity looks like.  Masculinity is defined as being strong, free from emotions, competitive with a mandate to win, competency with no tolerance for weakness.  Masculinity is defined as a preferred, superior state over being feminine.  Masculinity is defined as dominance, control, and order.  

The current model of masculinity shuns vast aspects of men's sacred humanness.  Boys are taught to not cry.  Boys are told creativity, art and flowers are what "girls do."  Boys are taught they are better than girls. These shunned parts and destructive stories get tossed into a dungeon of sorts creating a destructive male shadow.  The shadow of our psyche, either individual or collective, is a place where split off parts of ourselves exist unknown to our waking awareness, but certainly not dormant.  These outcasts in the shadow will insist on recognition in one form or another.  The unhealthy expression of these outcasts leaks out as insecurity perhaps masked as bullying, sexual predation, addictions, lack of empathy and many other harmful ways.  The resulting unconscious, walking wounded boys in men's bodies seek control and start consuming to feed deep seated hungers and emptiness.  Men operate in a "zero sum" game, your gain is my loss.  A sense of connection, relationship to each other, relationship to the earth and  interdependence does not exist in this current model of masculinity as these are "woman things" and are weak.

We, men and women, have been ripped off.  The man blueprint we have been taught is a shockingly hollow shell of what men were intended to be.  Men are emotionally and spiritually crippled, metaphorically hopping around on one leg, lashing out or pathetically retreating for reasons they don't even know.

We have a desperate need to redefine what it means to be a man, to redefine masculinity.  A great grief cry is emerging from the sustained harm and a response to that cry is also blessedly emerging,  A new masculinity is emerging which will replace the deformed and damaged version of masculinity we inherited. 

So what does this new masculinity look like?  Ah, this is the joy and privilege being offered to us now, to engage in the conversation, look deep into our psyche's shadows, retrieve what was lost, repair the damage with our sisters and bring wholeness back into the world.

In no particular order, the new masculinity will have the following characteristics.

• A full embrace of the cast off "feminine" aspects of what it means to be a human man.  This will include men's retrieval of compassion, empathy, nurturing, access to a full range of emotions, crying and crying in public (oh my god, not that!), 
• The existence of functional rites of passage for adolescent boys (or adolescent boys in men's bodies) to adult men.  We have lost the art, ritual and wisdom of a society which teaches boys they belong, they matter, they bring unique gifts which the village needs.  We need to develop ways to energetically get boys and boy-men over the threshold which stands between "am I OK?" and "is the village and the environment OK?"  There are emerging local, national and international groups who focus on this work, blessings to them.
• A fostering of brotherhoods, clans of men who support each other, encouraging growth and healing.  A place to work the rage, the fire, the confusion.
• A full embrace and support of women coming into their power, becoming wise, insightful, beautiful leaders.
• A commitment to open, honest, compassionate, non-defensive communication with women.  Men and women have been at war with each other for a long time, from whenever that split occurred which put men above women and demonized all things feminine.  There is much healing and bridge building to be done.
• A commitment to the restoration of the divine feminine.  The aspect of the divine with a feminine face.  Think about what it does to the psyche of women when they are told god is male.  Think about what it does to the female side of a man when he is told god is male.  Probably our greatest cultural wounding and damage was done when the divine feminine was written out of the history books.  Witch hunts, loss of natural healing wisdom, reinterpretation of the priestess class into "temple whores", etc.  My favorite current saying is "We are the granddaughters of the witches you couldn't burn", yes, she lives!
• A commitment to dismantling the patriarchy.  Although this may sound like a slogan, we need to identify all aspects of our society governed from a premise of hierarchy and structure solely based on gender.  Then we need to discover methods of eliminating gender based privilege.  A world based on one gender having lordship and power over the other is a world destined to destruction.
• A commitment to creating a world safe for women and children.
• A commitment to the environment, to protection of the water, the air and the land.
• A deep knowing of the interconnectedness of us all.  When you are cut, I bleed.
• A deep sense of embodiment.  Men inhabiting their bodies, aware of their sensations.  Listening to the deep wisdom of their bodies.  Men who can express themselves in beautiful, powerful, lyrical, staccato movements organically fully present in their body.
• A reclamation of our balls.  The new masculinity embraces the "masculine" aspects of what it means to be a human man as well as the "feminine" aspects.  It's a good thing to have testosterone, to have muscles, to have a pickup truck so you can move someone's couch.  We need men in full possession of their sexuality, confident, not needing to prove anything or get something.  Too often men have been castrated or castrate themselves.  Men with a healthy solid sense of their "balls" is a wonderful thing.  A reclamation of our balls is not just sexuality, not just muscles, but speaks to an autonomous claiming of whole male power infused with love and grace.  Way attractive.
• A strong sense of justice and protection of the marginalized.  A restored sense of sacred fatherhood.  We care and we protect.

We must forge a New Masculinity, for our children, our ancestors, our community, our humanity,  These are exciting times, the time has come, the time is now.